Listening Between the Lines: Supporting Our Autistic Children’s Mental Health

When you can’t communicate effectively, it has to be detrimental to your mental health. As a parent, I’ve had moments of deep frustration—trying to understand, to connect, to soothe—and if I feel that way with all my tools and language, I often wonder: 

What must my child be feeling? 

• Do they feel trapped in their own mind? 

• Do they feel hopeless? 

• Could they be hurting silently?  

The thought that my child could be fighting inner demons, unable to tell me, breaks my heart in ways I can’t always put into words.

Unfortunately, this isn’t just a parental fear—it’s a very real concern. Research shows that autistic individuals are at significantly higher risk for mental health challenges. Anxiety disorders affect 30% to 40% of autistic individuals, and 26% experience depression—both significantly higher than the rates seen in the general population as found in 2019, Current Opinion in Psychiatry. ADHD, OCD, bipolar disorder, and even schizophrenia are also more common among autistic individuals, adding layers of complexity to their emotional well-being according to the 2019 journal article in Psychiatry Clinics of North America.

I see it in the little things—when my child shuts down after a loud noise, when they cry but can’t explain why, when routines change and the world suddenly feels unsafe to them. Among adolescents with both autism and ADHD, nearly 72% experience anxiety, and 39% suffer from depression according to data from the National Survey of Children’s Health 2016-2019. These aren’t just statistics—they’re our children, our loved ones, our responsibility.

The most heartbreaking part? The high rates of suicidal thoughts among autistic individuals. According to a 2018 study in Autism Research, 66% of autistic adults have contemplated suicide, and 35% have attempted it.  A 2021 review in JAMA Pediatrics found that autistic adolescents are three times more likely to attempt suicide than their neurotypical peers. These numbers are a harsh reminder that we need to listen, understand, and support our children, before it’s too late.

As a parent, the fear of my child experiencing such isolation can be overwhelming. Autistic children often struggle to express their feelings, which means emotional distress can show up as behavioral changes or physical symptoms like stomachaches or trouble sleeping. Many times, these signs go unnoticed until they erupt in ways that are harder to ignore. Supporting our children’s mental health means recognizing that their struggles may not look like those of neurotypical kids.

So what can we do to help? We start by watching closely and listening deeply. Emotional distress in autistic children might manifest as withdrawal, anger, or even physical symptoms. We can support them by creating predictable routines, minimizing sensory overload, and teaching them ways to express their feelings, like drawing or using visual aids. Seeking mental health professionals who specialize in autism is essential to understanding the unique needs of our children.

An often-overlooked part of supporting an autistic child is the mental health of the caregiver. As parents, we can easily become overwhelmed. Taking care of our own emotional well-being is just as crucial as helping our children. We need support, too—whether from other parents, support groups, or therapy. By maintaining our own mental health, we become better equipped to help our children through their struggles. For more in-depth knowledge on the mental health challenges of autism moms, check out our blog: The Hidden Struggles of Autism Moms and How to Heal

Checklist: Supporting Your Autistic Child’s Mental Health

Recognize the Signs:

• Increased meltdowns or irritability

• Withdrawal from favorite activities

• Changes in sleep or appetite

• Physical symptoms (e.g., stomachaches)

Create a Supportive Environment:

• Maintain consistent routines

• Minimize sensory overload

• Provide a safe, predictable space

Support Emotional Communication:

• Use emotion charts or visual aids

• Encourage expression through drawing, music therapy, etc.

• Validate feelings, even when they seem unclear

Seek Professional Help:

• Find autism-informed therapists

• Explore adapted therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

• Join support groups for families

Be Present and Patient:

• Offer unconditional reassurance

• Regularly check in emotionally

• Celebrate small victories

Self-Care for Caregivers:

• Set aside time for yourself regularly

• Seek support from loved ones or community groups

• Don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed

There’s no perfect roadmap, and every child is different. But as parents and caregivers, we can be their safe harbor. We can be the ones who believe them, support them, and never stop trying to understand them—because their mental health matters just as much as their diagnosis.